Recently, we conducted a study in regards to the pelvic anomaly known to some as “mom dancing.” While most are familiar with “dad bod” or even “dad rock” (a current study to be published later on), “mom dancing” is becoming more known, though our research shows the act of which has been around since the nineties.
The ShamRag Research Team patronized a small town bar and grill on a Tuesday night in rural Wisconsin after we received many reports of an awkward, almost painful-looking dance sweeping county fair beer tents across the nation. The bar and grill featured a “two dollar Tuesday” promotion, and the majority of the patrons were at least fifty years of age and missing a Y chromosome.
“We proceeded with caution,” a ShamRag researcher reports, “but quickly discovered that our timid approach was unfounded. The specimen acknowledged our presence and carried on with her behavior.”
The “mom dance,” per research reports, indicates that when a woman approaches the age of fifty, her dancing becomes more rigid and substantially less arousing to the opposite and even in some cases, the same sex. She gets into a deep squat, feet firmly planted on the ground, and proceeds to gyrate her hips in a rather cramp-inducing manner. In addition to this, our researchers discovered that the specimen all but forgot their arms exist, as they drooped to her sides and tend to succumb to gravitational force and subsequently, what direction she’s leaning. Namely, forward or backward.
“It is almost as if over time they have given up on trying to figure out what to do with their arms, and dangling them behind their backside while their hips gyrate was a conservative alternative.”
A good indicator of a healthy specimen of the “mom dance” variety is rhinestone-encrusted jeans and, if they are with a suitor, the suitor is wearing similar trousers with an Affliction t-shirt and far too much hair gel. New developments indicate that another telltale sign is yoga pants and an ath-leisure top, out for a night away from the kids.
Check back for more research updates on this topic.