Balding Man Grows Hair Out

“I ain’t goin’ bald,” a Michigan gentleman gripes, seemingly ignoring our reporter’s initial question of ‘what is your name.’

“My hair’s always been thin, so that’s why I might look like I got a bald spot, but it ain’t no bald spot.” The ‘bald spot’ he is referring to is the complete and undeniable absence of hair atop the crown of his head.

Despite warnings from friends, family, and what he refers to as ‘potential’ (a woman who has recently saturated him with a vodka tonic), the Michigan gentleman continues to let his side-locks flow.

“I haven’t showered yet either; my hair always looks thinner when it’s all dirty and stuff.” When asked the last time he has had a shower, the room falls silent.

“It don’t matter,” he replies, “I got dem lights up above my head also, and my hair is blonde, so my scalp is darker than the rest.” The hair that does remain on his head is quite obviously brown.

Our own ShamRag reporter had not once inquired about the gentleman’s hair and was actually on assignment to discuss zoning issues in the area when the gentleman took the reigns of the conversation and strangled it into submission.

Thankfully, our reporter jotted everything down and uncovered this tremendous story, driving the conversation in the gentleman’s clear desired direction.

When asked if he was donating to Locks of Love and if not, what the intention of growing his hair out was rooted in, the gentleman simply replied ‘for the women.’

The gentleman’s mangled, curly locks rest on his shoulders, stopping short of the crown of his head like grass and wildlife on a SUPERFUND cleanup site. One or two stragglers remain atop his scalp, of which are clinging to life like the last remaining survivor of the Titanic sinking clinging to the stern railing.

When asked one last time any question that could possibly uncover more insight into this riveting story, the gentleman asked us to leave, as he was late for a haircut.

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